thinking about leaving: i am goign to apply to redfern now. the thought just occured to me that there are people i know im going to drift from, but whom i care particularly about now. in the i- really- like- you- though- we're- not- so- close- now- i- can- see- that- given- time- we'd- be great- friends kinda way. its sad, but its a realistic perspective. i guess it gives me a sense of urgency- that i must hug these people extra hard before i go, because it will probably slip, and because they mean a lot, im starting to realise the pain already. i dont mean this in a sentimental way; rather it is the pain of this fatalism ive resigned myself to, or am trying to. before its time i can see the gradual unlamented fade, and from a period of different relations i feel its loss, not acutely, but in a quiet but persistent way.
but probably i am overdramatizing my life, as usual :)
mellie contemplated 11:38 PM
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