every day i feel like i get more and more dumb, my vocabulary is shrinking and so is my depth of thought. nowadays its only 'omg more marking' or 'ok this poem is fantastic. isnt it?' or 'omg i need to sleep' im so tired out everyday, love my classes but really dont like to teach. i feel like im perpetually waiting for something that will never materialise- some kind of eternal purgatory, whcih makes everything seem so hollow and unpurposeful. last year it was waiting for the year to end. and then? now its waiting for results, and perhaps scholarships. and then?
what is supposed to come? after i study, it's back to work again, marking time till the day ends. counting money. what is the purpose in all that? when i had [], it was a kind of hope, and i felt like i'd really lived. but that was just a dream. What is the point of any after?
i am no cleopatra, i can only amble on and attempt to subsist.
mellie contemplated 9:26 PM
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